Friday, October 26, 2012

life, man




most days when i get home from work, this is the face i see waiting for me at the window.  i walk in through the door and say, "where's my shoshi?" and look around for awhile.  ("is she under this banana?")  someone usually says, "we don't know WHERE she is.  haven't seen her for hours!"  then she pops out and says "heyah i am, mama!" and runs as fast as she can into my arms.

i guess i understand why people have more than one kid, because if she does not continue to run breathlessly into my arms shrieking "i miss you mama!" well into her twenties, it's going to be pretty rough.  but gawd, the further away i get from those brutal sleep-snatching new baby nights, the harder it is to imagine voluntarily doing it all again.  i'm still years away from just having a few solid hours to myself to read without pretending to be a coyote, cooking play-doh on the stove, playing catch with great enthusiasm, or heading off a tantrum with my quick-thinking ninja reflexes.  i've slept in, straight up, probably five mornings total out of the past 886 mornings.  and that's a generous assessment.  (one that makes me tired just thinking about it.)  although i know when she's fifteen, i will wish for just one more of these early mornings with my tiny girl who climbs cheerfully over my face to hit the ground running, the instant she wakes up every day.

she's such a total peach.  my hilarious little buddy in cowboy boots, and my favorite person to hang out with.  sometimes i just get so curious about what the rest of our life will look like. even five years from now, life is a huge blank canvas with a big UHHHHHH? written on it.  i guess that's true of everyone, but man, us especially.  where we'll live, what my job will be, where she'll go to school: BOWKNOW.  realistically, it will be years before i have the time to date (my time with lil shosh is already way too short, no way i'm shortening it any more if i can possibly help it), plus who knows if i'll ever want to again anyway.  life is so peaceful without the menfolk.  the thought of letting another one into my life sounds even more exhausting than the past 881 early-rising mornings combined, to be honest.  so...it's just really up to me and sho to fill that blank space with something rather grand.  i'm open to suggestions, universe....  (just please be gentle with us.)




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