Wednesday, January 16, 2013

blogging dilemma (aka: first world problems)

oh, my dear and loyal readers!  i'm sorry for every time you've come here expecting a new post and been met with my obnoxiously month-old post ironically titled, "i'm back!"  i've had so much to write about: sho's first airplane ride, the first year that i've "been" santa for her and she really got it, so many gifts made by her with love, adventures large and small embarked upon, a big-relief milestone a year in the making...

but the truth is, i have been having a bit of an internal struggle with this "mommyblogging" deal lately.  first let me say that even years before i had a kid, the so-called mommyblogs (hate that term, but there it is) were my favorite.  i still read and love dozens of them, big and small.  they're a great part of my life, and i admire and respect the mothers writing them.  i just keep thinking about my own kiddo though, and how she might feel about all of this someday.  (not that "all of this" is really much of anything - if i was a bigger blogger, i'd be having a much bigger blogging dilemma.  hooray for mediocrity!)

in so many ways i would love to read a blog today written by my mom when i was a youngun.  it would be an honor to read her thoughts and see the day-to-day photos of our lives together...truly, i would completely love it.  who wouldn't?  but would i have felt the same way as a teenager, with my entire easily-googleable childhood on display for anyone who thought to go looking?  the jury is still out; sho's generation is basically the first to have had their lives blogged about from before their birth and onward.  for the most part, this generation has a ways to go before they are able to experience and process what the repercussions of blogging will even be in their lives.  as a fiercely private and secretive twelve year old, it's tough to imagine that my now-delighted reaction to the idea of my own childhood being blogged about would have held true.

it does trouble me a bit that i am writing about and sharing photographs of my daughter online long before she is of the age to give consent.  she has no idea that photos of our recent night swim at a pool in omaha, nebraska are now available for the public consumption of anyone who cares to take a gander, for example.  how would she feel about that right now?  in ten years?  in twenty years?  as my blog has gotten a bit more popular in recent months (still very tiny however), i have briefly considered making the switch to a for-profit blog...but what repercussions would that have for my daughter?  suddenly her childhood memories are closely tied up with our livelihood, before she's even old enough to understand what's happening, much less give her consent.  i guess i am just so curious how we'll all be viewing this mommy-blogging zeitgeist five or ten or twenty years from now.  empowering women to share their experience?  or exploiting our children for page-views?

like i said though, my blog is still so tiny that i don't really have to worry much about these dilemmas.  it's just something i've been thinking about lately.  i know that a big portion of the people who read this are just family and friends who appreciate getting a glimpse into our lives that they might not ordinarily.  frankly, it's an honor that anyone cares at all!  and i do love blogging, the excuse to write on the reg and formulate my random thoughts and experiences into something coherent and memorable.  i often feel better after pressing "publish," and i have loved the chance to meet and interact with other woman and mothers on this ol' internet of ours.  i just never want my kiddo to feel like i have violated her privacy, however good my intentions are, you know?

i don't know - i'd love to hear your thoughts, whether you're a blogger or lover of blogs.  and i wanted to explain why i haven't been blogging lately...just had to mull some things over, i guess.  it makes me sad to think about no longer writing in this little blog o' mine; i definitely don't think i'll quit completely.  ah, if i only i could visit future-shoshi and ask her what she thinks...