pink night light

the kiddo's been sick since sunday, her blazing hot body glued to mine for listless hours of maisy at a time.  she'll have these bursts of health, running around like her normal nutty little whackaloon self, then a night like last night where she's burning up, talking raspily in her sleep and nursing for approximately eight (hundred) hours straight.  every time sho gets sick, i send out some major thanks a) that my mom (best sick day caretaker ever) watches her while i'm at work and b) that it's just ordinary kid sickness and not leukemia.  i can't even really begin to start imagining what that would be like before i get all panicky.  everyone talks about how being a parent makes you more selfless, but in a weird way that's not the case.  her pain is so much my own pain, that i would rather take on any of her suffering than watch her go through it -- because that would ultimately be less painful.  does that make sense?  my brain is all scrambled.

there was a crisis last night involving shoshi's night light; anywhere i plugged it in, the shadows were too scary.  "shoshi want dark!  not dark!  NO shadows!"  it was a confusing time for us both.  so i hauled out this pink night light that i got for a dollar at the thrift store and had originally planned on giving her when we move, along with a mama-made silky pink nightgown and matching pillow with trim from my grandma's 1970s trim collection (i got big plans).  sometimes you just have to bump up a gift's arrival date, though.  i'll pretty much always remember the time my parents gave me my ninja turtle pajamas early, so i could have the perfect costume for a ninja turtle-themed thespian production directed by moi that pretty much rocked the little town of kalamazoo, michigan to its very core in 1991.  anyway, maybe it was the fever, but she lovvved that night light and kept rolling around with it in her arms, then setting it down in order to throw her skinny little arms around my neck and say, "i love YOU!".  this i-love-you business just started about a week ago and it is pretty much better than thai food and t. rex combined.

also, how crazy is it that somehow i, the crustiest of all known pink-haters in the galaxy, am now out giving pink the time of day of my own volition?  i find myself browsing through pink fabrics, reaching for sho's pink bowl before all others, even ordering her the pink play kitchen for christmas even though it's PINK for god's sake and the pale aqua blue one's about eighty times better.  it's just a hunch but i do believe that somehow this pink business and the arms-around-neck-i-love-YOU!s are connected in some fundamental way...