where we are

it is seriously so hard to snap a picture of shoshanna mary wearing clothes lately.  i'm not sure how she does it exactly, but toward the end of every day for the past month or so, she somehow finds a way to wiggle out of her clothes and ends up running merrily around our back yard, front yard, even down our steep driveway and into the neighbors' yards.  fortunately, we live on a tiny dead end street, with the added benefit of neighbors whose children used to be little nudists as well.  we still laugh about the time we answered the door to the then-three-year-old neighbor boy, standing totally naked and by himself on our front doorstep.  "hi!" he said brightly, beaming up at us. 

my dream for shoshi and myself is like that of many people my age.  i would like to raise her (and maybe her someday-siblings too, who knows) on a piece of land with a small, cozy home attached, near other like-minded families who want to share the burdens and joys of farming, raising a few animals, and living intentionally as a community together.  i'm not trying to go totally back-to-the-land or off the grid, but i would like to live near enough to other families so we could be a significant part of each others' daily lives.  i think more than anything, that tribal sense of community is really important to us as humans, and is largely missing from the way we live today.  i would love for sho to be able to run out the door and directly into the open arms of a wild little kid gang.  i would love to be able to do the same, to grow vegetables with other women and sit by an impromptu bonfire in the evenings with my friends and neighbors.

at times i feel guilty about how far away i feel from making that life a reality for my girl and me.  things are just harder when there is only one parent.  dreams get deferred, in favor of high-quality day care and rent payments and healthy food and new shoes and and and.  but what i need to remember is that where we are now is just a stop on this long, twisting path.  what the future holds is a total mystery to us all, whether you want to believe it or not. 

and what i'm finding is that this stop isn't such a bad one, after all.  because right now, my kid gets to run out the door directly into the lush flora of my mother's garden, and into the open arms of a loving little kid gang -- and more often than not, while she's totally buck naked, to boot.