sho's dad recently acquired a seat for the back of his bike and has picked her up on it a few times, much to her delight. yesterday afternoon she kept begging my mom, "please, uma, pleeease go on bi-suck ride with papa?" oddly enough, at that exact moment david was texting me to ask if he could pick sho up on his bike and take her for a couple hours in the evening.
it's hard to let her go at night, when i haven't seen her all day. for me (and david too, i think), that's the hardest part of not being together, the sharing of our girl. my mama impulses are pulled in many different directions, from wishing so much that i could protect and be with her sweet small self all the time -- like mothers of young ones should, i think -- to wanting what makes my girl happy, which is also being with her dad and feeling the wind on her face as he pedals, "faster, faster papa!"
i am overwhelmingly thankful that we split up when we did. there is no doubt in my mind that it's best for sho and me. and as far as i can tell, any memories she has of the three of us living together are murky and dream-like; we moved out when she was seventeen months old, to the day. i can't imagine how difficult it would be to get a divorce when a kid is five, or ten, or fifteen, when they have so many memories of being a family together. but still, there is now so much time ahead of sharing my girl. i always have to remind myself that she needs a papa, too...as maddening as he can be.